Whatever

To be honest I have now clue what kind of title to give to this post. I'm just trying to sum up what is inside and outside, what has happened in the last few weeks.

well, yeah, I'm still in Hungary, and it seems that it is not a part of the journey...but I just made up my mind to write down the preparation for that 1 year in Jordan, and I really start to feel that I was right.

Two weeks ago I was participating in a preparation seminar. It was anyway a really weird feeling, not just because me travelling, but having those people around me whom I have help throughout the last months (or years) whom I have been working with. This feeling is now just popping up again after coming home from Spring National Planning (AIESEC Hun conference)...there I really felt the spirit and atmosphere of good bye. All my team is somehow saying good bye to me, to each other, to a way of living.
And the most interesting thing that I'm not said. Ok...it was the first time after 5 years, that I cried, but it was not because of being sad, rather the feeling of pride. I just discover that this is one of the most positive feelings in life. Because it is not just about being proud of yourself, but of others who achieved something, being proud of having the next generation carrying on things and seeing that small bit of spark in their eyes, when all the current leaders of AIESEC in Hungary rounded up around them and started to sing good bye songs for them...that was a feeling, I'm still thrilling when putting these lines down.

But this is not the only thing. The whole feeling (or at least what was coming to me) was something like thank you and good luck...but see you soon back to Hungary :). Maybe it was just me, as I'm living in less than a month (weird to write it down). But I did sense these emotions in most of the people around me. It was good...or rather interesting, as I can not box it to good/bad or neutral. It gives energy (made me write this post) and the sense of " man, move on, it's your turn".

So I came home, slept (16 hours...it seems that I was tired a bit...but just a bit :P) and started to take the next steps. I'm searching for the documents I need to make up my full list of to do-s, but I'm doing that many things in the same time, that I'm always forgetting that one :P Anyway I have registered for getting my immunization shots (that costs hell a lot of money....but as my mum said: health first :P). and I'm still thinking to buy a bigger travelling bag, as the current one feels a bit small to the amount of stuff it would need to have inside....but the limit of 20 kgs is also kind of emberrassing, I don't really know (or rather feel) how much is that. And just reading few people's blog I have also the desire to carry some good 'kolbász' with myself....wooo, it's just coming to my mind that this week I'm going to Szeged!!! I must buy cool kolbász :P

A bit back to the preparation seminar: it was fun to see everything I need in one place. Meaning that it was rather a summer and not much of a new content, although it made me think. To be honest after the first day - that was the 'cultural' preparation part - I was a bit frustrated or confused. I had many things in mind that what are the difficulties I'm facing...or I will face when entering to a new culture. This was the mood how I went home and to be honest I was not fully convinced that I can manage all these challenges. Then an inner voice told me: man, think back when was the time you were successful! And that made me realize, that it is still not easy, but I'm not going there to have somehing easy and I did face huge challenges. So it helped me to make up my mind....and rather an attitude of "whatever is coming I will face it and either adapt or defeat it". I know I will have ups and downs...but that's all part of the game, so let's play :P

So again I'm damn excited of the upcoming things. May is going to be a crazy month...and the coming June for sure, although i have no real clue what is going to happen.
This is the other interesting thing in the last few months. Usually I'm that type of person who is bad in handling uncertanity and I had many fights with myself. But I just realized that if I can concentrate on those things which are driving me, then I can manage (not easily, but with a fair amount of energy). I coul find opportunity in all uncertain situations to make my own way, to get out what I want from it.

Ok...I guess it is kind of enough now, I'm running out of thoughts...but for sure more will come up, just not now, and anyway this post became more random than I'm usually (which anyway I don't mind :)