There and back again

So, this is to re-confirm that I'm indeed going back to Jordan, on an internship, hopefully rather on a career....well that one we will see.

But this post came alive, beacuse it is not all that simple! No, no point thinking that I changed my mind, or that I'm not happy with this opportunity....but I few things did hit me, a few things are just running around.

I feel .... excitement ... which everyone thinks is natural.... and fear....which most people can not get why.

If we look deeper into this whole situation, then you discover, such as I did, that it is ain't about just going back or hanging around. It is ain't about who do you miss who do you not miss. And last but not least, this fear is ain't about the choice I made.

Then what it is about? It is about that I made a choice!
Not which option I picked....I am totally sure the same fear would squeeze my stomach if I would stay in Hungary.
It is simply I guess that kind of a change of life I have been talking about in previous posts. And that it is all easy to say, that "yeah, I need to make the next step" - the obvious message what everyone can get, but to take the risk and do make a step. This is what this whole mix of feelings is about. I make the next step...and only time will be able to full judge if I did it right or wrong.

With this fear in my heart it is hard to take the critics and it is hard to say to any one that you are true, or you are false.

But getting back to me being natural, all this what I wrote is right, there is a fear of risk in my throat, but I have always been someone lead by conscious decisions. This is meaning that despite the feeling of I can not be sure of my choice, I made it and I'm committed to it.....and I'm sure of it.

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And with all this comes a different line of thought.

I had an intersting conversation with my sister...well, the topic is kind of AIESECy, but could give more if you read between the lines.

This was about whether our interns have talent or not, are they really outstanding individuals or not. Well, quality is always a question, but I think we miss the point.

Whatever great that person is, who decides to go to a basically unkown country, to an almost unknown company for a job described in 5 lines is undoubtedly an outstanding person.

Looking around of people at my age there is one very clear thing distinguishing such people (whether they are AIESEC members or anything else). And this is that they play at their own risk!

Easy to say, to make a choice, easy to say that people will help. Not easy at all. It seems like, because these people make this choice and stand firm to make it happen. Seems they have no doubts, no fears and are affraid of nothing, not even from the unknown.
Some of them more, some of them are less concerned on this matter, but they are the ones who either have less fear, or the ones who do not let themselves to be guided by their fears.
And what is this, if not a remarkable talent of any person possesing this?

The last point for me on the matter is that it is all inside of I guess most people.....but there are only a few who has the guts to use this, and that even if it looks like something small, we all need to start valueing small things in life, as they are the spice of anyones life.

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Ok, pretty phylosophical post, never mind :) It was just good to write it all down, so that I don't forget these things....who knows when the thrill of making such a choice will ever come back :D