29 Celsius....AT NIGHT!!!

So I thought of writing a few lines regarding certain challenges with the environment and climate here. Many people says that it's so cool that I came to a hot place. Well they are right from one perspective...but also let's check out the challenging side of the situation.

The first one...sleeping. Have you every tried sleeping when at midnight the temprature is 29 Celsius? After a while it is pretty hard to figure out what clothes to get rid of. Especially if you are in a room where no air is moving usually...so by the end of the night you smallest problem will be that it stinks....but also the question might appear in your head: did I sleep at all. Though no challange remain unanswered...so we bought a fan, to have at least air moving in the room. It is nice, but the noise of the fan for a whole night is causing headache, so let's figure out a way to use it and not to get headache. And the solution: fixed fan, pushing air in a way where none of us is sleeping and this way the air is moving, our head staying fine :P

The other one is water. It is a critical question over here...there are no rivers in Jordan (or only small ones) and the water supply is very low...it is definitely a scarce resource (well, in the middle of a desert(half-desert it is not that surprising :P). So there is certain system how you can get water...and it is not a pipe system.

Each flat has a water tank (maximum 2 qubic meters - köbméter :P ) which is ideally getting filled twice a week. Depending on the area it is different when it gets filled, but in my area it is Sunday and Monday (yo not equally splitted). So on Monday you fight for the washing machine, which consumes a lot of water, so you do your laundry on Monday, as in the evening all water gets refilled. Also counting with having 4 people in one apartment you have individually 0,75 cubic meters of water a WEEK....for washing, shower, toilet, cooking, washing dishes. So you definitely do take care of water (actually with 4 people, 2 filling a week it is not that very hard to manage, you just need to take care when you do laundry, how you have shower and small things which consume water). Drinking water is separate from this supply, you can chose to have bottled water, or rather get bigger gallons (for referrence on costs: 1,5 liter of bottled water is 0,5 dinar..... 2 gallons - 40 liter of water - 2 JDs, I think it is obvious which option are we using :P ).

Well the situation is becoming crazy when the weather turns very hot (like in the last one month). It is one thing that usually people use more water (shower mainly, but also just to wash your face or such)....so you consume more. Or you want to consume more, because it also means that there is less water in the country, meaning that sometimes your tank gets filled only once a week!!! What does this mean? - if you are smart than your run out of water on Thursday....and have water back monday morning. If you are not smart, then you have water only for 2-3 days a week. Did you ever tried to have 'shower' from 1,5 liters of (drinking) water? Not the easiest assignement if you ask me.

So naturally this week we are out of water again. Resident consumption is low on water priority list....first agriculutre, then industry....then what is left.

It is not at all about complaining (though I'm not particulary happy about the situation)....it's something better to get used to. This issue will anyways will be way better from October-November, as you start consuming less water and rain starts to fall sometimes (durin summer there is NO rain here, not a single drop or rare rain...there is NO rain! )

The only thing I'm worried about is that Ramadan is here in 1,5 weeks. The weather is definitely not suited for fasting and not drinking anything the whole day and the possibility that I might not be able to have a simple shower at certain nights makes me scared (drinking water is not a problem - that you can always get enough for the night and the morning - you just need to find the right time). So yeah, fasting is definitely gonna be hard.

Though I have made my stand to join the guys in fasting. I also asked myself a few times whether I'm crazy or what...but it is not about the fact that I want a torture. Ok, in a way yes...but it is so nice to talk about Ramadan, here about the importance of it....bullshit. I came here to experience the culture and Ramadan is probably the toughest, nicest and most unique part of it. It is not necesseraly about the religion (before everyone gets scared: I'm not intending to become reliegious, haha), but it is in the culture, it is something normal over here to fast for a month (see, the definition of normal....). And I want to know and experience 'normal' life of it and I want to understand...if it is through a tough way, than it is through a tough way.

Anyways, just wanted to give a bit of insight into what does it mean to live in a developing country in the middle of a half desert, in an arab country. It is some sort of insight about things happening every day, not something outstanding (like now a huge event to write about), but are probably the most identical things about living here. Like water...it is always a critical topic, a critical point of life and in Hungary it is so very normal that you never have water shortage (only pipe breaks, and then everybody is just running a screaming around of not having water :) ).

And also a small new picture go uploaded (and shared in this corner), which many of you asked for - I don't really now how to write down the name of the scarf, so I'm rather not attempting it :P

Nothing extraordinary...and that is extraordinary

Originally created on the 15th of August

So the thing is I consider my last week as nothing extraordinary would be happening...and probably that is the extraordinary part, as many things did happen throughout this week, but it did not seem so much new (ok, there were stuff still new, but not the full impression of I have no clue about anything :P ).



What am I talking about...during this week I have been downtown buying shoes and presents, been on a dinner invitation, my MCP flew away for International Congress in Brazil, went to cinema just accidentaly and ended up having Shawrma with friends in Abdoun, got my blood test for residency done...and naturally all the work where I finally feel that I'm back to my usual efficiency.
So as you see it was again a week full with things, but it is not anymore about everything new, it's about 'usual' life in a country where I really start to feel like being home.

It was a tough month though, I was not expecting the schock to come this early, but I was prepared. And I don't know if I'm over it...throughout the year it will for sure come back, I'm just not sure wether I'm done with it for a while or this current state is just a minute above the surface to breath, and then dive back again. Although I managed to maintain a good mood (not talking about being sad if there is a problem, but not feeling continuous frustration and tension). It does take attention to maintain it, and probably this is the year which really makes me understand the real importance of work-life balance. Without a life I would just die. Life is not all about hang outs, it's also to have 2 times one hour to cook, 1 hour to clean up around...and naturally fun, for sure...but all the aspects of living, besides doing my job.

So, yeah, in general I'm in my usual three month end reflection mood...output is not yet ready :P Maybe the next blogpost, I can never know. But as a summary I'm doing great...and I honestly feel great, calm and generally normal (which is a different normal than 3 months ago :P )

And anyone coming to Jordan let me know;)

The Rollercoaster...or the tipping point?

This week is probably best described as a roller coaster. I could never know if in the next minute (or rather second) I will be up or down. Though what is important is that it finally ends I think with a pretty positive note and outlook for the next few weeks, but let's go through everything.



But first what is really causing (or caused) this highly visible roller coaster....I think most of you know me as a stable person and even when I'm not it is usually not very visible, not like now. Well, I think it is not just one thing causing it. Just when the glass is full even one drop makes it flow out. But fortunatelly I do feel it is over and I'm back as usual (which is pretty hard to define already how I'm when I'm usual :P). Work, a different culture, personal issues, being a bit short on budget (and of course playing my stubborn way of making it on my own :P ), a few "funny" interns and a pretty long list. Above all the whole MC had high pressure, also we are in the phase of challenging, so at the beginning of the week we were rather killing each other, then support....but this also turned.



Thinking through the few lines I have just thought of changing title to this post. I do end my week with totally different feelings than what I have started. This turn is definitely a positive one and I do think that it has it's effect not just for this week. So let's rather consider this week as a tipping point, it's more positive and describes the situation way better. (and now it is coming to my mind that there is a book with this name, so I will get it and read it :P)



My birthday...Sunday....well started like an ok working day, turned to be a terrible working day and ended up as an AWESOME night and evening! Let's not talk about why the working part was crap...problems are not yet solved, but finally under controll and I feel way stronger to face...so challenges will always exist, but this is why am here.

But the awesome part was a wedding. Lana, my MCP, invited me (actually the whole team, but finally only I ended up going....everyone else can regret it!) for her cousins wedding. Though it was not the most traditional wedding ever, but still...hmm, very hard to describe...an experience. First we went to the bride's house to great her, wait for the groom and then go to the hotel where the actual wedding took place. And also to give you a perspective on weddings here: it was a smaller one with only 300 guests :P In Hungary it would be the wedding of the year haha! I felt a bit strange in the house, not really finding my place in the family (why I should have been comfortable? This was not my purpose...), but it was a very warm feeling when 2 days later Lana told me that the mum of the bride was happy to see me in the house and showing interest in them...definitely a nice remark!
The photos from the wedding are uploaded...unfortunately I ran low on battery :( And a collage here.

Then started the actual wedding. I don't want to write down each and every detail, if you are interested catch me sometimes on Gtalk or Skype :P But a few things do deserve to be placed here. So at the beginning I did feel strange...to be exact like an alien, just landed on Earth and partially put into the zoo in the cage to check it out. As I was not a member of the family noone knew me obviously, so sometimes I did raise a bit of interest and throughout the whole wedding I think I was a topic at the table (if you here your name...Akos is a pretty unusual name/word here...popping up each second minute from different parts of the table, then you become suspicious :P). And especially when dancing started...woooo, it is veeeery different and it was strange at the beginning (and I was pretty shy, especially at the beginning :s). It is not just a different rythm, but also totally different culture of moves, so it took me time even to go there, then more time to try, then feeling like a fool...and then a bit more time not to care about being seen as a fool :P And this is when the feeling turned around. I did not become a better dancer, but definitely got accepted as part of the event, as a guest there. And I did have an AWESOME evening...thanks a million Lana and your family for inviting and hosting me there!

I think you see that a lot happened during this week....as it was only the beginning of the week we are over, not mentioning all the thoughts and feelings stuck inside (so prepare for a long post, sorry for everybody, but I have to write it out, if you don't feel like reading all of it, don't feel bad to skip it :) )



So yeah, back to work....back to being frustrated, up and down and rather that feeling that we do face a serious challenge and I could not do anything with it. This feeling just simply drove me mad, I'm a person who accomplishes and does things and not someone creating philosophies and not the best ever to wait for something to happen. So just simply running crazy, with a huge amount of topics to agree on, debate, argue about. So we sat, to discuss work issues with the team...at the end it was already a bit better, but far not offering the real solution (yeah, to the exact work, how to manage or challenges, etc. it did give answer....but not to the state of our souls, relations and feelings).
But we set down on Wednesday again....and this is definitely the tipping point in the week (hope in the year). The first real deep and open team discussion, to pull out everything what was inside. And not just a discussion. We went to a hang out...did not do mutch, just set on the stairs at Raindow street (actually with a nice view) and simply chatting. Finally not about work. I know I'm someone who is the hardest to distract from work if there is something serious going on, but this time it was needed, it was loved, it was just GREAT, not to talk about work, but still feeling that we are all on the same boat, we are all one together and slowly opening up. And then we just went and had icecream (yammy...I'm not a big icecream fan, but this one was very good). So actually not really doing anything remarkable, but still I have the feeling (and I'm pretty convinced about it) that this is a turning point in the team. Kind of the same feeling with my first EB team in November, 2005...when we stood up from the table knowing we are one team and nothing is going to change this.
And probably one of the toughest MC teams in MENA this year...with a very hard start up, getting trained on them and feeling to be imune to new challenges, feeling to be able to face anything which comes (and might not solve them, but still face)

And I think it might turn out that it is not just a turning point in the team, but might be in my whole experience (as Szaki here in Jordan). I'm not sure about it, but I feel and it should anyway come once, inshallah. I just did not felt comfortable here in the last two weeks, I was continously down, not just work, but personalwise too. I felt confused of who I am and where I'm heading. I still don't think that I do have a tangible answer, but I do feel this is right, what is happening, this is the experience I came here for and this is the change I wanted to see on myself, which is all on it's way. I can not phrase it....and I arrived to the point that I don't want to phrase it just let it go, with it's full power and be in the process. And here comes to my mind The Alcimist, the travelling book of EB 05/06 (yeah, I finished it, Maso send me the address to post it :P )...saying that it is not the treasure at the end of the road what is worth, but the journey itself is the treasure, and I know it is right (though I still need an end goal to pull me, I can not resist my nature :P )


What did really change that I write all these things. My day today really describes it. Just to give a snapshot on the situation: I'm sick and in the last 2 days we have no water in the house and won't have in the next two days. So, yeah, it doesn't seems like being great....it is not about that. Usualy when someone is sick just feels really alone. I don't have now people jumping around me, taking seriously care of my health, but I still did not feel alone or lost today. The random pop-up of Lana today a quick invitation for lunch changed my full day. I was hoping that her family will not make a big fuss around the lunch (thank god they did not :P ), but it was just very nice to sit with them, eat with them, chat with them, even if Lana's mum is not very good in English (though definitely way better than I'm in Arabic :P )....but small things do matter. A small smile from Lana's mum when I could suffer a few Arab words out of my mouth, not planning anything after the lunch, but ending up watching a movie and having a chat with Dana. It seems not much, but for me it does mean a lot, thank you!
And then going home....knowing where I am (actually I'm really improving with directions in the city, it was always one of my strengths, so it helps me out here) and feeling totally confident walking home (and knowing that whenever I get tired I can get a cab and guide it). Realizing that I'm passing by my favorit kebap place, so just jumping in and getting a sandwich (which was my dinner...and enough even for me...and only for half dinar - around 120 HUF - I don't even know how they get the incredients for this price) and just generally knowing my place, knowing my way and feeling confident in where I am (not just location wise).
Also with the water...yeah it is still a crappy situation, but not this is my first thought about it. The first things coming to my mind are ways to manage, ways to change next time not to loose water....and no feeling of depression or frustration around it (though of course I'm not happy, but crying does not help me out).
The feeling of getting settled in Amman, in Jordan. Can not describe it better, though I think these few rows do give a snapshot of it.



This post became pretty long (as I predicted), but I hope you enjoyed. I tried to be as honest as I could, though my writing skills are not the highest, but must be enough (I don't really have any other choice :P ). And this has been an incredible week. A week for what it was worth coming here and a week which will hopefully repeats itself through the course of our term!

Yalla, it is time to rock (and get rid of my cold...haha)

Two months notice

I just recognized today that it is actually again a turn of month about my arrival (yeah, it is not that hard as I arrived on the 1st of June, so each new month is a new month for me too :P). But still it is rather an accidental discovery, not to let this day slip by without any notice.

Time is passing by pretty fast, sometimes I wish to slow it down, sometimes to speed it up :P And actually this kind of controversial speaking pretty much describes my last two weeks...it's been a roller-coaster, especially emotionally. I don't really know most of the time what freaks me out, but I think the right answer is I don't know. I really don't know how to react, how to decide in quickly arising situations. What was natural in Hungary is not the same here and it is still a learning process, getting better day-by-day, but sometimes it is just fast, you don't have time to think and act as you learnt. I'm kind of letting my instincts lead me, let myself rahter feel than understand (consciously) why people behave how they do...and just let myself do what I feel right. This method seems to help, seems to speed up integration, seems to help me really listen (not just with my ears, but with all my senses). Probably this is another learning anyone can get from living abroad...to notice that there is much more going on around us then we actually realize, because we are in reality not open to absorb all of the information what is right at the corner....although it might give answer to many questions....right now it does. I don't understand how, but it does make things easier and I rather feel than know my why, but let's see where it really leads.

Probably this post became fairly philosophical, meaning that half of you who arrived to read this line is already bored as it is not full with events and such....but I think this is the rather deep part of my little stay over here and probably will be more determining to my future than the trips to Dead Sea or such. At least I have left this remark....left my current mood here :P