The Rollercoaster...or the tipping point?

This week is probably best described as a roller coaster. I could never know if in the next minute (or rather second) I will be up or down. Though what is important is that it finally ends I think with a pretty positive note and outlook for the next few weeks, but let's go through everything.



But first what is really causing (or caused) this highly visible roller coaster....I think most of you know me as a stable person and even when I'm not it is usually not very visible, not like now. Well, I think it is not just one thing causing it. Just when the glass is full even one drop makes it flow out. But fortunatelly I do feel it is over and I'm back as usual (which is pretty hard to define already how I'm when I'm usual :P). Work, a different culture, personal issues, being a bit short on budget (and of course playing my stubborn way of making it on my own :P ), a few "funny" interns and a pretty long list. Above all the whole MC had high pressure, also we are in the phase of challenging, so at the beginning of the week we were rather killing each other, then support....but this also turned.



Thinking through the few lines I have just thought of changing title to this post. I do end my week with totally different feelings than what I have started. This turn is definitely a positive one and I do think that it has it's effect not just for this week. So let's rather consider this week as a tipping point, it's more positive and describes the situation way better. (and now it is coming to my mind that there is a book with this name, so I will get it and read it :P)



My birthday...Sunday....well started like an ok working day, turned to be a terrible working day and ended up as an AWESOME night and evening! Let's not talk about why the working part was crap...problems are not yet solved, but finally under controll and I feel way stronger to face...so challenges will always exist, but this is why am here.

But the awesome part was a wedding. Lana, my MCP, invited me (actually the whole team, but finally only I ended up going....everyone else can regret it!) for her cousins wedding. Though it was not the most traditional wedding ever, but still...hmm, very hard to describe...an experience. First we went to the bride's house to great her, wait for the groom and then go to the hotel where the actual wedding took place. And also to give you a perspective on weddings here: it was a smaller one with only 300 guests :P In Hungary it would be the wedding of the year haha! I felt a bit strange in the house, not really finding my place in the family (why I should have been comfortable? This was not my purpose...), but it was a very warm feeling when 2 days later Lana told me that the mum of the bride was happy to see me in the house and showing interest in them...definitely a nice remark!
The photos from the wedding are uploaded...unfortunately I ran low on battery :( And a collage here.

Then started the actual wedding. I don't want to write down each and every detail, if you are interested catch me sometimes on Gtalk or Skype :P But a few things do deserve to be placed here. So at the beginning I did feel strange...to be exact like an alien, just landed on Earth and partially put into the zoo in the cage to check it out. As I was not a member of the family noone knew me obviously, so sometimes I did raise a bit of interest and throughout the whole wedding I think I was a topic at the table (if you here your name...Akos is a pretty unusual name/word here...popping up each second minute from different parts of the table, then you become suspicious :P). And especially when dancing started...woooo, it is veeeery different and it was strange at the beginning (and I was pretty shy, especially at the beginning :s). It is not just a different rythm, but also totally different culture of moves, so it took me time even to go there, then more time to try, then feeling like a fool...and then a bit more time not to care about being seen as a fool :P And this is when the feeling turned around. I did not become a better dancer, but definitely got accepted as part of the event, as a guest there. And I did have an AWESOME evening...thanks a million Lana and your family for inviting and hosting me there!

I think you see that a lot happened during this week....as it was only the beginning of the week we are over, not mentioning all the thoughts and feelings stuck inside (so prepare for a long post, sorry for everybody, but I have to write it out, if you don't feel like reading all of it, don't feel bad to skip it :) )



So yeah, back to work....back to being frustrated, up and down and rather that feeling that we do face a serious challenge and I could not do anything with it. This feeling just simply drove me mad, I'm a person who accomplishes and does things and not someone creating philosophies and not the best ever to wait for something to happen. So just simply running crazy, with a huge amount of topics to agree on, debate, argue about. So we sat, to discuss work issues with the team...at the end it was already a bit better, but far not offering the real solution (yeah, to the exact work, how to manage or challenges, etc. it did give answer....but not to the state of our souls, relations and feelings).
But we set down on Wednesday again....and this is definitely the tipping point in the week (hope in the year). The first real deep and open team discussion, to pull out everything what was inside. And not just a discussion. We went to a hang out...did not do mutch, just set on the stairs at Raindow street (actually with a nice view) and simply chatting. Finally not about work. I know I'm someone who is the hardest to distract from work if there is something serious going on, but this time it was needed, it was loved, it was just GREAT, not to talk about work, but still feeling that we are all on the same boat, we are all one together and slowly opening up. And then we just went and had icecream (yammy...I'm not a big icecream fan, but this one was very good). So actually not really doing anything remarkable, but still I have the feeling (and I'm pretty convinced about it) that this is a turning point in the team. Kind of the same feeling with my first EB team in November, 2005...when we stood up from the table knowing we are one team and nothing is going to change this.
And probably one of the toughest MC teams in MENA this year...with a very hard start up, getting trained on them and feeling to be imune to new challenges, feeling to be able to face anything which comes (and might not solve them, but still face)

And I think it might turn out that it is not just a turning point in the team, but might be in my whole experience (as Szaki here in Jordan). I'm not sure about it, but I feel and it should anyway come once, inshallah. I just did not felt comfortable here in the last two weeks, I was continously down, not just work, but personalwise too. I felt confused of who I am and where I'm heading. I still don't think that I do have a tangible answer, but I do feel this is right, what is happening, this is the experience I came here for and this is the change I wanted to see on myself, which is all on it's way. I can not phrase it....and I arrived to the point that I don't want to phrase it just let it go, with it's full power and be in the process. And here comes to my mind The Alcimist, the travelling book of EB 05/06 (yeah, I finished it, Maso send me the address to post it :P )...saying that it is not the treasure at the end of the road what is worth, but the journey itself is the treasure, and I know it is right (though I still need an end goal to pull me, I can not resist my nature :P )


What did really change that I write all these things. My day today really describes it. Just to give a snapshot on the situation: I'm sick and in the last 2 days we have no water in the house and won't have in the next two days. So, yeah, it doesn't seems like being great....it is not about that. Usualy when someone is sick just feels really alone. I don't have now people jumping around me, taking seriously care of my health, but I still did not feel alone or lost today. The random pop-up of Lana today a quick invitation for lunch changed my full day. I was hoping that her family will not make a big fuss around the lunch (thank god they did not :P ), but it was just very nice to sit with them, eat with them, chat with them, even if Lana's mum is not very good in English (though definitely way better than I'm in Arabic :P )....but small things do matter. A small smile from Lana's mum when I could suffer a few Arab words out of my mouth, not planning anything after the lunch, but ending up watching a movie and having a chat with Dana. It seems not much, but for me it does mean a lot, thank you!
And then going home....knowing where I am (actually I'm really improving with directions in the city, it was always one of my strengths, so it helps me out here) and feeling totally confident walking home (and knowing that whenever I get tired I can get a cab and guide it). Realizing that I'm passing by my favorit kebap place, so just jumping in and getting a sandwich (which was my dinner...and enough even for me...and only for half dinar - around 120 HUF - I don't even know how they get the incredients for this price) and just generally knowing my place, knowing my way and feeling confident in where I am (not just location wise).
Also with the water...yeah it is still a crappy situation, but not this is my first thought about it. The first things coming to my mind are ways to manage, ways to change next time not to loose water....and no feeling of depression or frustration around it (though of course I'm not happy, but crying does not help me out).
The feeling of getting settled in Amman, in Jordan. Can not describe it better, though I think these few rows do give a snapshot of it.



This post became pretty long (as I predicted), but I hope you enjoyed. I tried to be as honest as I could, though my writing skills are not the highest, but must be enough (I don't really have any other choice :P ). And this has been an incredible week. A week for what it was worth coming here and a week which will hopefully repeats itself through the course of our term!

Yalla, it is time to rock (and get rid of my cold...haha)